An Incredible Feat

"There were moments when my dad wasn't the easiest person to love. My mom could've chosen to give up but she loved him anyway. I wish I had my mother's strength and courage to choose to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option ..."


I was watching TV while my mom was sleeping beside me. As I got off her bed to go to my own room, she suddenly called me...

"Papa"

No, she wasn't dreaming. She thought she was sleeping beside her husband---not the new one but the one who passed away seven years ago.

Ever since my dad died from a tragic accident I would often hear my mom calling out to him whenever something wakes her up in the middle of the night. I've always asked her why she calls out to my dad but she just says "Did I really say 'papa'?" Apparently she's not aware that she does that a lot.

A tear rolled down my cheek. She still misses him until now, even though she has found someone new. When my dad was still alive, I've always known that my mom loved him unconditonally. But seven years after his death nothing has changed. He wasn't the perfect husband. He wasn't the perfect father either. And when he had those moments where he wasn't the easiest person to love, she loved him anyway. Choosing to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option is an incredible feat.

I ran to my room crying and calling out to my dad too. (Tears are still fogging up my eyes while I'm writing this entry)

I don't think she will ever get over him... he will always be the love of her life.

I miss my dad too...

And I miss that someone I've loved and lost. The sad part is he doesn't even know... and he never will. Because I was too scared to admit to myself much more tell him how I truly feel, I chose the more convenient option: I walked away.

I know I've been saying that I'm loving and enjoying this season of singleness. But I could really use someone's warm reassuring hand to hold mine right about now...