Monday, December 8, 2008

Why Are Men Such Jerks?

Remember the dude I wrote about in my November 23 blog whom I ran into at the parking lot 3 weeks ago? Yup! The jerk who didn't even bother to stop and roll down his window to say hi.

Well as soon as I logged into my YM this morning, this jerk from my better-forgotten past popped into my screen and said:


Pwede ba tayo magusap ng normal? (Can we talk like normal people?)

Kasi ayoko ng may sama ka ng loob sa akin. (Because I don't want you to hate me)

And now he suddenly had the balls to say hi over the YM? Coward huh? Couldn't talk to me face to face but always messages me in YM. Typical!

The first time he said hi in YM since that "parking lot incident" was a few days ago. Naturally, I ignored him. But, prior to that incident I would always reply to his messages. This was the first time I did not acknowledge his existence and yet he already assumed that we weren't talking "like normal people". Sounds like somebody's guilty. He knows that he did something wrong but he's not man enough to own up to it so he's turning this around on me making me look like I'm the one creating the drama and doing all the hating!

I ignored his IM because I don't want to keep communicating with him anymore. I mean, why bother replying to a world-class jerk, right? And I've already allowed him oh so many times to treat me like a second-class citizen so I'm not about to give him the same privelege all over again and feed his already huge ego.

Let me paint a picture for you so you would understand when I say that this guy has an ego as huge as Africa, may be even all the seven continents combined!

He would make plans with me and then cancel it in the last minute. He will text. Not call. His reasons would include but not limited to the following:

1. Our maid left and my parents can't take care of my dog, I'm the only one in the universe who can feed it.

2. I totally forgot that I have to attend my close friend's wedding which is starting in 2 hours.

3. I overslept and didn't hear my alarm go off.

4. I was on my way to your place but then my mom asked me to buy her medicine so now I'm on my way back home, again I'm the only person in the universe who can do that.

Or sometimes even worse, he would totally bail out on me without even having the courtesy to say he's cancelling, no text or nothing! So I would forget about my pride (which I don't normally do in relationships) and would ask him why I never heard from him for days or sometimes weeks. He totally went AWOL on me on more than one occassion. His reasons would include but not limited to the following:

1. My boss asked me to come into work on a Sunday and I was so pissed that I didn't talk to anybody (which I later on found out to be a complete lie because apparently he went on a road trip with his buddies).

2. I had to work 16 hours a day. I barely have time to myself or my family and when I have time off I make it my "Me" time and get some sleep and rest. I don't even have time to go out anymore (which again I later on found out to be a complete and utter lie because apparently he's been going on several out of town trips with his family and friends).

3. I'm too busy with work! (Seriously?! Nobody's that busy! I know for a fact that no guy is ever too busy for the woman he's really into).

But, the real deal breaker here was our last "date" (if you could call that a date!). He was two and a half hours late. We were supposed to attend church together but he came an hour after church ended. His reason: he went out the whole day with his friends so he was really beat and then he couldn't leave early to meet with me because he had to finish the bowling game. Notice two things here: #1. He gave all his energy the whole day to spend time with his friends that by the time he was supposed to spend a few hours with me he was already too tired. #2. He already had the whole day (9am-5pm) to spend with his friends that he didn't even think of leaving a little bit early since he knows we planned to meet at a certain time.

Now, instead of just making it up to me by say taking me to a nice dinner here's what he said when he asked, "Where do you want to eat?" and I said, "At Old Spaghetti House" and he said "You're so high maintenance!" Apparently I'm high maintenance now because I want to eat at a nice restaurant instead at some greasy fast food after making me wait 2 1/2 hours on a hungry stomach. He never ever picked me up or drove me home whenever we go out on dates because I drive my own car and yet to him I'm still high maintenance.

To add insult to injury he fell asleep during dinner. Yup! He was sitting right across the table and was literally dozing off while I ate my dinner. (read: we weren't eating dinner together because when his food came first he finished it off while I watched him eat) And when there was only one bite left on his plate I said to him, "So you didn't really wait for my food to come so we can have dinner together huh?" He replied, "Well, I'm not finished eating yet, there's still one bite left". Any girl in her right mind would've walked out on someone like that. But noooooo! I still stayed because I wanted to bear witness or rather fall victim to more of his jerk antics. As I was about to put the last of the spaghetti in my mouth he asked, (No! it's not will you marry me) "Should I ask for the bill?" Seriously?! I still had food in my mouth and he couldn't wait to leave?! After that date from hell I decided that I've had enough!

Whenever I would tell him that I can't do this anymore, that this has to stop he would not reply to that. I would never hear from him again for months. He wouldn't even extend the courtesy to talk to me face to face and end things well with me. Just total silence. Parang bula na bigla nalang nawala (Like a bubble that disappeared into thin air). Until I run into him somewhere and then we would start talking and going out again. It's a vicious cycle. One that needs to end...for good!

Isn't it only right that I continue ignoring this jerk or should I give our friendship another chance?

What do you guys think?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Will Love Come My Way Again?

"Just when I've already given up on love I met your mum".

Sammy, my new Italian-Australian stepdad, was telling me the story of how he fell in love with my mom. We were having a quiet candle-lit dinner on the white sands of Boracay and it definitely set the mood. He was holding my mom's hand the whole time he was recalling their four-month whirlwind romance.

They had an intimate beautiful wedding on 22 Novemeber 2008 at The Bellevue Manila. You can see in the pictures that everyone was happy that day, especially the newlyweds. My mom was definitely a blushing bride with all the french-kissing the groom did to her! All the guests were Filipino so just imagine our shock when Sammy, being Italian and all, kept kissing my mom---with tongue! The kids were grossed out, I felt embarassed, and everyone else just couldn't stop laughing! But one thing was very evident, they were truly in love.
I also have given up on love. The last time I fell head-over-heels-floating-on-cloud-nine in love was four years ago (or I thought I did). That was also my first ever major heartbreak. Since then I've just been dating strings of boys---20 something men with the brains of 13-year old boys. Whenever I would start dating someone it would look promising at first and then just like those short-lived hollywood relationships it fell apart. My heart has been broken and pounded into a thousand pieces so many times by different men that everytime a relationship would start becoming serious I would subconsiously sabotage it and start to run away...far far away.... thinking that every guy is just out to get me. Slowly, I started to lose my ability to trust someone, to love someone and to let that someone love me.
But, ultimately, I started to lose my trust in the Author of romance---God Almighty. I stubbornly took control of my own love life that I made bad choices and irreversible mistakes. I already saw red flags but I actually thought that things are gonna get better. Even though I knew that relationship was bound for disaster I still went ahead (i.e. the guy was from a different faith or has no faith at all in God or anyone!). What was I thinking? He knew better! God always knows what is best---always!
As I said in the speech I gave at my mom's wedding "If the Lord has blessed my mom at 52 with a handsome romantic Italian man then I know that He will also bless me with a man who will truly love me". Seeing how much my mom and stepdad are crazy in love with each other made me believe in love again, in second chances and that love comes when you really least expect it. And when it does come, in my stepdad's words, "it will take over your heart like a revolution!"
I know that when I start putting my trust in the ultimate Author of romance and let Him write my love story then love will come my way again. I've said that it's alright if I don't get married- ever! But as humans, God has designed us to long for a partner. And I have to admit that in my heart I long for someone...
to hold my hand,
to hug me when I feel down or when I feel glad,
to shower me with kisses (or someone to shower with),
to share birthdays and christmases with,
to lean on when I cry,
who will stand by me thru good times and disappointments
to laugh and goof around with,
to play and be crazy with,
who will think I'm still adorable with my crazy dancing moves,
to fight with ('cause I like the kiss and make up part),
to wake up to every morning
and to go home to every night
to share my fears, hopes and dreams
who will love me inspite of my flaws and imperfections
whom I will also love unconditionally
someone I wanna grow old with...
I know at times I may be bitter and jaded but deep inside I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm just like every other girl wishing and praying for prince charming to come.
I've learned my lesson and I learned it the hard way. I realized that I just have to quit giving away my heart to guys who don't even deserve it and stop selling my self short. I know that I still have more to learn but at least this time I will definitely not settle for anything less than the kind of love that can only come from God---the forever kind of love.