Will Love Come My Way Again?

"Just when I've already given up on love I met your mum".

Sammy, my new Italian-Australian stepdad, was telling me the story of how he fell in love with my mom. We were having a quiet candle-lit dinner on the white sands of Boracay and it definitely set the mood. He was holding my mom's hand the whole time he was recalling their four-month whirlwind romance.

They had an intimate beautiful wedding on 22 Novemeber 2008 at The Bellevue Manila. You can see in the pictures that everyone was happy that day, especially the newlyweds. My mom was definitely a blushing bride with all the french-kissing the groom did to her! All the guests were Filipino so just imagine our shock when Sammy, being Italian and all, kept kissing my mom---with tongue! The kids were grossed out, I felt embarassed, and everyone else just couldn't stop laughing! But one thing was very evident, they were truly in love.

I also have given up on love. The last time I fell head-over-heels-floating-on-cloud-nine in love was four years ago (or I thought I did). That was also my first ever major heartbreak. Since then I've just been dating strings of boys---20 something men with the brains of 13-year old boys. Whenever I would start dating someone it would look promising at first and then just like those short-lived hollywood relationships it fell apart. My heart has been broken and pounded into a thousand pieces so many times by different men that everytime a relationship would start becoming serious I would subconsiously sabotage it and start to run away...far far away.... thinking that every guy is just out to get me. Slowly, I started to lose my ability to trust someone, to love someone and to let that someone love me.

But, ultimately, I started to lose my trust in the Author of romance---God Almighty. I stubbornly took control of my own love life that I made bad choices and irreversible mistakes. I already saw red flags but I actually thought that things are gonna get better. Even though I knew that relationship was bound for disaster I still went ahead (i.e. the guy was from a different faith or has no faith at all in God or anyone!). What was I thinking? He knew better! God always knows what is best---always!

As I said in the speech I gave at my mom's wedding "If the Lord has blessed my mom at 52 with a handsome romantic Italian man then I know that He will also bless me with a man who will truly love me". Seeing how much my mom and stepdad are crazy in love with each other made me believe in love again, in second chances and that love comes when you really least expect it. And when it does come, in my stepdad's words, "it will take over your heart like a revolution!"

I know that when I start putting my trust in the ultimate Author of romance and let Him write my love story then love will come my way again. I've said that it's alright if I don't get married- ever! But as humans, God has designed us to long for a partner. And I have to admit that in my heart I long for someone...

to hold my hand,

to hug me when I feel down or when I feel glad,

to shower me with kisses (or someone to shower with),

to share birthdays and christmases with,

to lean on when I cry,

who will stand by me thru good times and disappointments

to laugh and goof around with,

to play and be crazy with,

who will think I'm still adorable with my crazy dancing moves,

to fight with ('cause I like the kiss and make up part),

to wake up to every morning

and to go home to every night

to share my fears, hopes and dreams

who will love me inspite of my flaws and imperfections

whom I will also love unconditionally

someone I wanna grow old with...

I know at times I may be bitter and jaded but deep inside I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm just like every other girl wishing and praying for prince charming to come.

I've learned my lesson and I learned it the hard way. I realized that I just have to quit giving away my heart to guys who don't even deserve it and stop selling my self short. I know that I still have more to learn but at least this time I will definitely not settle for anything less than the kind of love that can only come from God---the forever kind of love.