Roll Credits

It was just one of those ordinary days where you don't expect anything monumental to happen.

And then I saw him.

I saw him walking down the street.

I sat frozen in my car clutching the steering wheel til my knuckles turned white. The radio was blaring but all I could hear was the sound of my pounding heart. I couldn't move. "What am I supposed to do?" I thought frantically.

BEEEEEEPPPP!!!

I was brought back to reality when the car behind me started honking. I didn't notice that the light already turned green. I hastily put the car in first gear. I kept going without really thinking where I'm heading. Before I knew it, I was driving for hours. My mind was still on that face I haven't seen in two years... on that face I didn't realize til that moment that I've been missing all this time.

"I think my feelings for Derek are resurfacing," I admitted to my BFF's when we met up for coffee later that night.

"Stacy, why am I not surprised? Your feelings were burried in a very shallow grave," Nikki said matter-of-factly.

My two bestfriends are those people who keep me sane and I definitely need them at a time like this. I've known Nikki and Carla since we were teeny boppers going gaga over JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Jonathan Brandis and the Backstreet Boys, among others. Nikki is a tall, curvy, chinita, t-shirt and jeans type of girl who tells me to do whatever makes me happy. Carla has beautiful almond shaped brown eyes, petite, a fashionista at heart who always pulls me back to reality.

"I saw him this morning and it was the longest 20 seconds of my life. I didn't expect my supposedly burried feelings to resurface this easily just because I saw him that one time for a split second." I recounted the events that transpired earlier that day.

I tried to push my feelings for Derek to the remotest darkest deepest part of my heart and mind but I guess I've been pretending the whole time. After we broke up, I dated a couple of guys but none of it ever came close to what Derek and I had. One day I was asked why I stoppped dating this dude who seemed to be really into me. "He's not Derek," was the only answer I could give.

"You say you're completely over him, but the truth is you're not. Because if you are, you wouldn't be freaking out like that," Nikki said.

"I'm not freaking out. Okay, may be a little. No! I'm so not freaking out!" I said defensively.

"You called a de-stressing night session in the middle of the week at (looks at her watch) midnight! It's not like we're here to talk about how you bought that fabulous dress at a bargain price," Carla pointed out. "Where did you buy that anyway? You're totally pulling off that dress!"

"I know, right?" I beamed at her.

"Okay! Guys, focus! Please!" Nikki exclaimed.

"I am freaking out, aren't I? I am so totally freaking out!" I cried bumping my forehead repeatedly on the table.

"So what did you do when you saw him? Did you talk to him?" they asked.

"I drove away," I replied. "I panicked and drove off. I didn't expect to see him there. He's supposed to be in some European country God knows where. I thought I was seeing things, he could be a ghost or just a figment of my imagination for all I know! But then I realized that it was really him. I just don't know if he's only here visiting or if he's back for good."

"You think I should try to contact him?" I asked my friends. They gave me a we've-had-this-conversation-a-million-times look. "Stacy, if he wanted to let you know that he's here then he would've called you. But he hasn't. So what does that tell you?" Carla said.

"Men have come and gone since we broke up. I may have seemed like I've moved on. But seeing him again today made me realize that those feelings were never gone. I never got over him," I sadly admitted as tears rolled down my eyes.

"I'm pathetic," I cried.

"Sadly, my dear friend, you are," Nikki said patting my shoulder. All three of us burst out laughing.

"At least we all know how your story with Derek is gonna end," Carla started. "He comes back. You fall madly in love all over again. Then love kicks you in the ass. Roll credits."

As I was driving home I keep seeing flashbacks of the time when I was the happiest, the time I spent with Derek. I could still hear his weird embarassing laugh while he chases me running around like kids. I could still feel his warm strong arms around me whenever I would feel cold or scared. I could still see his adorably goofy smile while he's trying to cheer me up. I could still feel his hand in mine as we pray together. I could still taste his lips on mine when he said goodbye.

If I only knew that that was the last time I was going to see him, the last time I get to kiss him then I wouldn't have let go. Whenever I think of Derek I only remember the most amazing moments we've shared. Normally, I would've been very angry and bitter when things didn't work out between us and he disappeared without a trace.

But not with Derek. He's not like the other guys I've dated. He was different. He finds what normally would be a turn off to other guys actually adorable about me. Apart from my family and bestfriends, he's the only man who gets me. With Derek, everything was easy and comfortable. We make each other happy. Intoxicatingly overwhelmingly awesomely happy. But our similarity ends there. We want different things.

I woke up that morning thinking that nothing monumental is ever going to happen on this ordinary day. But it wasn't just any other day. It was two years ago all over again when I was crying about the most stupid mistake I ever made--- when I had the chance to be loved but chose to run the other way...

I was about to crawl into bed, curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep when I heard my phone beep.

"Hey Stacy! I saw you drive by in your car this morning. I'm here in town. Can we meet up? --- Derek"