"There were moments when my dad wasn't the easiest person to love. My mom could've chosen to give up but she loved him anyway. I wish I had my mother's strength and courage to choose to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option ..."
I was watching TV while my mom was sleeping beside me. As I got off her bed to go to my own room, she suddenly called me...
"Papa"
No, she wasn't dreaming. She thought she was sleeping beside her husband---not the new one but the one who passed away seven years ago.
Ever since my dad died from a tragic accident I would often hear my mom calling out to him whenever something wakes her up in the middle of the night. I've always asked her why she calls out to my dad but she just says "Did I really say 'papa'?" Apparently she's not aware that she does that a lot.
A tear rolled down my cheek. She still misses him until now, even though she has found someone new. When my dad was still alive, I've always known that my mom loved him unconditonally. But seven years after his death nothing has changed. He wasn't the perfect husband. He wasn't the perfect father either. And when he had those moments where he wasn't the easiest person to love, she loved him anyway. Choosing to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option is an incredible feat.
I ran to my room crying and calling out to my dad too. (Tears are still fogging up my eyes while I'm writing this entry)
I don't think she will ever get over him... he will always be the love of her life.
I miss my dad too...
And I miss that someone I've loved and lost. The sad part is he doesn't even know... and he never will. Because I was too scared to admit to myself much more tell him how I truly feel, I chose the more convenient option: I walked away.
I know I've been saying that I'm loving and enjoying this season of singleness. But I could really use someone's warm reassuring hand to hold mine right about now...
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uuggghhh...its been a year na rin ng pumanaw ang tatay ko....ugggghh...December 26, 2007 ng iwan nya kami...tinapos nya lang ang Pasko bago sya magpaalam..malungkot sa malungkot...nakakamiss...
ReplyDeleteoo, tanggap na ang nangyaring iyon...pero may pagkakataon pa din sa buhay natin na..."sana kung nandito lang sya"...
...ngunit kahit papano naging bahagi na sya ng buhay ko....hindi na sya mawawala sa puso ko kahit kailan...naiyak naman ako ohh...
pero ayos lang, wala naman dapat ikalungkot, kahit papano naging bahagi sya ng aking pagkatao... :)
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January naman namatay dad ko, pinalagpas lang nya ang Pasko at kaarawan ko.
ReplyDeletepero yan na yan ang iniisip ko tuwing nalulungkot ako or some guy broke my heart "sana kung nandito lang tatay ko hindi uubra ung mga walang hiyang lalake na yun! hindi basta basta makakalapit sakin ang mga lalake kasi masungit sya sa boys na pinapakilala ko.."
nabasa ko pala ung post mo about your dad, pareho pala tatay natin...lasinggero! hehe...
"Choosing to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option is an incredible feat."
ReplyDeleteCes't La vie. Love is supposed to be incredible.
And to have something incredible, sometimes doing incredible things is the only way to go...
Oh well. I'm hugging you right now dear!
You may have walked away, no problem....
just keep on walking...
Somehow, sometime...
You'll get there... =)
Heads up!
@ Oracle
ReplyDeleteaaawwww.... thanks=)
"I may have walked away, no prob! Just keep on walking because I'll get there somehow, someday..." Hmmmm... I like that thought...
I never looked at it that way until now=)
wow, my dad passed away 10 years ago, dec. 05, 1998.. that was the saddest part of my life to date, we had a long long way before we accepted the reality that he was no longer with us.. we had a difficult times that moment.. but we must moved on, we need to face our lives without Him..
ReplyDeletewe're ok now.. i think.. but sometimes, we missed our dad! there were times that i still cried remembering those moments with him...
uhm, as oracle says, just keep on walking.. somehow, sometime, you'll get there..
he's right...
@Aisa
ReplyDeletethanks sis! i appreciate what u said and for commenting here.
i think it's okay to still sometimes cry when we remember our dads especially if we've lost them at a young age. I only know a few people who have had the same experience of losing a loved one, so i'm really glad to have met some more here in the blogging world 'cuz that's one more person and friend I have in common with...=)
so sad naman.. i have a different experience though.. i lost my childhood friend, best friend and partner-in-crime 10 years ago.. he was murdered and the case hasn't been solved yet.. i prefer to remember the way he lived, rather than the way he died.. the suddenness of his parting made it all more painful.. i missed him, all the time.. life was never the same when he died.. yet he has helped me more with his death than when he was with us.. i had moved on though, we all do.. but the scar will always be there.. =)
ReplyDelete@fly
ReplyDeletei'm sorry to hear about that, i can only imagine how that ordeal must've been like for you given the circumstances surrounding your bestfriend's death. some people are meant to only be in our lives for a season but their time with as may be short as it may seem they certainly touched our lives that made an impact even long after they're gone...
scars are ugly and they can never go away because they remind us that we are humans, we get hurt and wounded but what matters is we come out of that battle victorious and stronger...=)
i agree.. he entered my life for a reason.. sad to say, it was short-lived.. yet no regrets.. those were some of my treasured moments and had become the foundation to what i had become and what i'm involved with nowadays..
ReplyDeletethanks for your words sis.. =)