I'd Rather Stay Single

Last weekend I was reminded yet again why I started this blog in the first place. It was the night I almost went deaf and blind.

Before I continue, a little history: One of my bestest gal pal, that we will call Vicky (she would kill me if she finds out that I'm writing about her for the whole world wide web to read), asked me if I can go clubbing with her and her new boytoy. Normally, I would be cheering her on for getting back to dating again because that means she has moved on from being hung up on her ex for three years now. But there was a little problem about Mandy, the hot bartender she met at Greenbelt....he could probably be gay and not that really into her.

A straight guy would never post thousands of his pictures in friendster where he posed half naked. The t-shirt-lifting-showing-his-abs pose is a dead giveaway. His showing of his hot body only appeals to a certain gender and they're not women. Vicky told me how her other friends and family members think that he's gay too. Plus, his name is Mandy...as in Mandy Moore? I mean, c'mon!

There's also the fact that they've been planning to go out for months now but it never materialized into anything because Mandy would always cancel on her. And then there's this thing where he's not very well-spoken. I don't want to step on anyone's toes here or sound discriminating, but you know how people say "Gwapo na sana, 'wag lang magsasalita"? (He's really attractive so long as he doesn't start talking). You get my drift. Therefore, everyone told her to forget about him because he's obviously not that into her and he's not the type of guy she can proudly bring home to her parents and introduce to friends.

But she was too stubborn. She went ahead and still agreed to see him even after he told her that he's expecting her to introduce someone else to him. Hence, she asked me to come along.

Now, I can overlook Mandy's poor communication skills if only he has a pleasant personality and a kind heart. But the dude is a drama queen! Vicky also brought along her younger sister, Steph. For more moral support I guess. While my friend was driving, Steph was reading Mandy's text messages saying how he's royally pissed that we're late.

Michy: "Just tell him to go ahead and we'll meet him there."
Steph: "Ay, susunduin natin ang prinsesa sa Espanya. Yeah, I call him princess."
Michy: "Prinsesa? Hahaha! If he's really straight he wouldn't be PMS-ing about us being late and if he's a real gentleman he wouldn't ask you to pick him up cuz he would take a cab and just meet us there."

Car Scene with Mandy:
Mandy: "Kanina pa ko 8 nakabihis ha sabi mo kasi Vicky 8:30 pm mo ko susunduin tapos ngayon ka lang dumating anong oras na! Hindi nyo kasama si Philips?"

Vicky: "Philip couldn't make it. Nag-away sila ng jowa nya."

He looked disappointed when he heard this. Akala ko ka-pangalan ng TV ung Philips na sinasabi ni Mandy, yun pala Philip lang talaga name nya, walang letter 'S' sa dulo. Ay, kaloka! And he could've just thanked us for picking him up but instead he bitched about how late we were and openly showed how disappointed he was that he's stuck with three single ladies! How ungrateful! Buti nga sinundo pa namin siya, reklamador!

Mandy: "Lalaki din ung jowa nya di ba?"

This is just a theory, but we think that Mandy only asked Vicky out so he could hang out with her gay friend. I just rolled my eyes. I promised my friend that I wouldn't be rude to her new boytoy. Before Mandy got in the car with us I was chatting up a storm. But when he sat beside me and tried to start a conversation and joke around with me I suddenly became unusually quiet. He was trying so hard to be funny that he ended up just being annoying. He made a couple of feeble attempts to flirt with me... "Oh please! I'm so way out of your league! Don't even try!" is what I wanted to scream at his face. He probably still didn't want to come out of the closet that's why he tries to hit on girls just to prove that he's straight.

Club Scene:
I went thru a short phase in college where I hung out with friends who like to party a lot. I gave into peer pressure and I love dancing so may be that's why I go clubbing with them. You know, so I would belong and look cool. But it wasn't cool. The truth is clubbing, drinking and smoking were never my thing.

I hate clubs that are too loud I get temporarily deaf. The laser lights are too much that I get temporarily blind too. And what's up with the smoke that fills the dance floor every 15 minutes or so? It hurts my eyes and it really stinks! Plus, the smell of cigarette smoke sticks to your hair, clothes and skin that you need to shower ten times just to get out the stench! Then there's that ocassional creepy dude who would grope me or grind against me or would ask for my name and number. And that night there was a bunch of sorority "Woo Girls". You know those girls who scream "Woooooo!" when they're dancing at a club? It sounded like we were on the Space Shuttle at Enchanted Kingdom!

Michy: "We should've just hung out at Seattle's Best or Starbucks at Town (Alabang Town Center). This isn't our scene Vicky, we're too old for this. It's too loud we have to scream at each other's ears just so we could talk!"

We were all having a terrible time! I wanted to leave and save what's left of my sight and eardrums. To make things worse, Mandy just sat in the corner scowling. He didn't even try to talk to us or make the best out of the seemingly miserable situation we were in. If it was only up to me, I would have bolted the moment I stepped into that club. I don't care if we already paid the entrance fee! This is why I always drive my own car when I go out with other people, so I can bail anytime I want to. But my ride was sitting there across the table beside the guy that she's unbelievably so into that she wouldn't dare leave even if we were in the middle of a war zone in Iraq.

I don't understand what she sees in him! He's not even that into her. They're not even talking! And she still didn't want to leave? Seriously! Even Vicky's sister thinks that Mandy is definitely gay and such a loser. Yeah, that's how annoyed Steph was with Mandy that she told her older sister: "Ate, please never speak again to that loser after tonight!" Imagine, we came all the way from Laguna just to go to as far as Quezon City only to hang out with a douche/drama queen! That's how much Vicky likes Mandy. So after what seemed like forever of attempting to dance and having a good time, laughing at and whispering about Mandy, my friend finally agreed to leave. Oh, thank God!

McDonald's Scene:
Of course I wasn't gonna go home frustrated! I haven't been out in a while and I'm not gonna let something like this ruin my night. I insisted that we stop by McDo and have a cheeseburger and fries. I actually wanted to eat rice and fried chicken but Mandy was telling me how he doesn't eat rice at 2 a.m. because it would make him fat. The guy has a point. But only a girl would care about something like that, right boys? If this isn't screaming gay, I don't know what else!

Mandy: "Nagsa-sun bathing ka ba?"

Apparently he was addressing that question to me while staring at my bare arms and shoulders. He was either probably blinded by my shiny bronze skin or he wants to get some tips on how to score a really great tan!

Michy: "What do you mean? Like right now? No. I'm not, because we're here at McDo."

I tried to hold it in as much as I can the whole night. But I couldn't help it anymore. I just have to give him a sarcastic answer.

Mandy: "No. I mean like the last few days ago."

Oh, this is just too much! I thought to myself laughing. He has been trying to talk to me that way the whole night with his "You looks like you're 17".

Michy: "No. Just the last few months ago."

Then I burst out laughing! If I spend another minute talking to this guy I would have to literally put my mouth in my foot just to stop myself from laughing at him. I was trying my best not to be mean to him but can he not talk to me in English and just be himself instead? Just because I talk a certain way doesn't mean he has to keep up with me when it's clearly beyond his capability. I would appreciate it more kung magpapakatotoo nalang siya kaysa maging trying hard, diba?

Car Scene on the way home with Mandy again:
Mandy: "Mich, do you have a boyfriend?"
Michy: "I don't."
Mandy: "Why?"
Michy: "Because I just don't have one."
Mandy: "How old are you na ba?"
Michy: "27"
Mandy: "Sa age ninyo nyan ni Vicky dapat may boyfriend na kayo. Wala pa ba kayong balak mag-asawa?"

I wanted to say "Eh ano bang pakialam mo?!"

Michy: "Do you have a girlfriend...or boyfriend?" (Is what I said instead)

Mandy: "Wala din."

He didn't comment when I said 'boyfriend' so he probably meant both. Haha!

Michy: "Single ka din naman pala eh! How old are you anyway?"
Mandy: "26"
Michy: "Tingnan mo pare-pareho lang pala tayong single and in our late 20s tapos akala mo kung sino ka maka-judge dyan!"

Mandy: "At least lalake ako, eh babae kayo kaya dapat sa ganitong age may mga asawa na kayo. Bakit ba ayaw mo pa mag-asawa?"

I wanted to say "Eh ano nga bang pakialam mo?! Hindi tayo close para tanungin mo ko ng ganyan! I've only known you for three hours!" But, instead I said:

Michy: "And where in the constitution does it state that women our age should already be married? I don't have to explain myself to you. But since you asked... I'm not yet ready financially and I don't want to marry someone who doesn't have the means to raise a family as well. If getting married and starting a family means I have to let go of my comfortable lifestyle and worry about how to make ends meet then I'd rather stay single. I don't want to end up like some people I know who got married early and are now regretting it."

Mandy: "Alam mo Mich sa tingin ko mahihirapan ang lalaki manligaw sayo. Hindi pwede sayo yung guy na basta-basta lang."

Michy: "Buti alam mo!"

Kung mga kagaya lang din naman ni Mandy manliligaw sakin eh wag na lang! I'd rather stay single!