To All The Single Ladies

I happen to stumble upon this blog entry by Prince Marvin and I thought that this would be perfect for my blog. He's a really good writer and I enjoy reading his entries. This one is short but sweet...

Women are like apples on trees.The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy...

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

And the men?Well, that’s a different story.Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

A Journey of Faith

This blog entry is long overdue. I’ve been meaning to write about the testimony I gave at church before I left the Philippines in July of this year.

As I was waiting at the Australian Embassy, eagerly and nervously anticipating the result of my interview for our visa application I constantly prayed to the Lord that if my visa will be granted then it will truly be a testimony of God’s grace and faithfulness.

You see, I’m not most Filipinos who are so eager to leave the country in search of greener pastures elsewhere. I actually didn’t want to migrate, I only want to travel the world on vacation. So I wasn’t the kind of person who would exert so much effort just to live abroad. But since most of my relatives are in Australia I knew I was bound to go someday. When my mom and sister both got married to Australian citizens they decided to move down under and I knew that I had to make a decision. I asked the Lord where He wants me to go, if He wants me to stay then I would not get a visa but if Australia is the land where He is sending me and where He will bless me then I will be granted that visa effortlessly.

I have been so scared to be left alone in the Philippines. For months I’ve cried out to God because of fear that I will be financially unstable, an orphan, single and literally be living alone in my house. I carried with me the burden of worry and fear from other people feeding me negative thoughts like how impossible it is for me to be granted a dependent visa because of my age. But this season of waiting on the Lord has taught me what it really means to wait confidently with unwavering trust and what it really means to pray without ceasing. This experience has humbled me and brought me to my knees. I said to God that I know it will only take a miracle for my visa to be granted given my circumstances. And once again He demonstrated His awesome power that He is the God of all possibilities because a miracle He did give me and my family.

I grew up in a Christian family, raised with solid Christian values (I’ve even attended all the youth camps throughout my teenage years). But that doesn’t make me the perfect little Christian, far from it actually. I have stumbled and fallen so many times. I’ve had strings of broken and ungodly relationships, things I’ve done in the past that I’m not proud of and skeletons I’m hiding in my closet. I’ve broken God’s heart over and over and over again. Thankfully, He has always remained faithful, even when I haven’t. My walk with the Lord has been a journey of faith. I know that God has a purpose and a wonderful plan with everything happening in my life, even in the worst situations and in the midst of my seemingly impossible problems.

In the past couple of years, I never really understood why I had to go through the torture of painful loss and heartache. Why I remain single in spite of my constant dating, while my friends and cousins are getting married left and right. Why I only keep meeting “Mr. Right Now” and not the one who will stay for the rest of my life. But, now I realize why…

I am going to Australia because I am unemployed, childless, never been engaged or married and SINGLE at 27! You would think that my situation seemed bleak and unappealing but that’s exactly the reason why I was given such an amazing privilege to start a new life in a country of boundless opportunities. If I was married or in a relationship or was engaged in the past or have a child then I would’ve been left behind. My life is a perfect example of how God can turn something less than desirable into a blessing! I didn’t even exert so much effort, this opportunity just fell into my lap without me orchestrating it, all I did was pray.

I never even planned or dreamed that I would be moving to Australia this year. In fact, my family was supposed to be the last to migrate. There were two families and one cousin supposedly before us, then my sister, then she would get my mom and then me. In my relatives’ plans, I was literally the last person on their list, which means I would have to wait a minimum of 4 or 5 years, but I only waited 3 months! It just really shows how our ways as humans are not and will never ever be God’s ways. His way is perfect and beyond awesome!

This was the verse in my devotion the night before our interview at the embassy (it wasn’t really the devotion for that day but as I was flipping through the pages it caught my attention):

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

I only noticed the morning I was writing this testimony that the date for that particular devotion entitled “Confident Hope” is July 11… our departure date.

It’s just truly, truly amazing how God perfectly works out his plans in our lives if we just trust in Him and allow Him to be the Sovereign Lord that He is. My walk with the Lord has been and is still is a journey of faith, preparing and equipping me to face another chapter in my life as I continue to grow and mature. I know that the life waiting for me down under is going to be even tougher but I believe and know in my heart that He is sending me to a place where He promised to bless me even more.

Singapore Adventure

I've been so busy that I haven't written anything in more than two months! I was so caught up with life's busyness that my body told me to stop and rest. All those weeks of lack of sleep and over fatigue took its toll on me. So now I'm forced to stay at home for almost two weeks. I'm on house arrest for having the flu coupled with a nasty attack of my allergic rhinitis. I was tested for A(H1N1) over the weekend but thank God my results came back negative. If my fever didn't spike up to 39.4 and I didn't have a history of travel abroad in the past 10 days I wouldn't have to go thru the torture of the throat and nose swab.

Oh yeah, I went on a 3-day vacation spree in Singapore...this entry is actually about that among other things.

It was my first time to travel abroad and I did it alone...finally! No wonder the immigration officers at the Centennial airport questioned me. They said something about how I look too young to travel and how my profile fits someone who would only go to Singapore to be a victim of human trafficking. Talk about judging people by their appearance! I was both shocked and disappointed at how the immigration officers treated me. They were very rude and condescending! They questioned me like I had no right to travel on my own. How disheartening that my fellow Filipino would treat me this way while they were so nice and friendly to the foreigners in front of me!

"I'm already 27 years old, it's right there in my passport," I stated the obvious.

"You're already 27 and you're still single? Dapat may asawa ka na ah (You should be married by now)," the immigration officer remarked.

"So what if I'm still single? That's why I'm doing this now. I want to be able to travel alone while I'm still single," I replied idignantly.

Again, I don't remember a law in the constitution saying that a woman in her late 20's should already be married! Seriously!

I was beginning to regret insisting travelling on my own. I didn't expect something like this would happen to me. My young looks have always played to my advantage until that day. I've charmed (and cried) my way out of traffic violation tickets. I've mostly gotten away with anything because of how I look, but not this time.

However, I received the exact opposite reception from the immigration officer in Singapore. The woman was very friendly and polite! She just asked where I'm staying and wished me a happy vacation. I heaved a sigh of relief!

Even though I had the most tiring trip ever and despite the setbacks I encountered right from the beginning of my journey I'm still glad and thankful for the experience. Most of my family and friends have already migrated to different parts of the world and I wasn't really very interested in leaving the country for good, I only wanted to vacation around the world. I've always said that I won't exert the effort to apply for an immigrant or working visa, only if the opportunity will arise. I didn't want to leave my comfort zone because I've always believed that I could be just as successful here as I would be in a another country.

For months, I've struggled with the turn of events in my family's life. I've had hesitations in migrating to another country this year. I prefer to stay here in the Philippines and have a family of my own but on the other hand, I also don't want to be left behind by my mom and sister. Short as my trip was it opened my eyes to a different horizon. I've realized how it is true what I heard in the news a few weeks back that the Philippines is 45 years behind compared to the first world countries. I've seen how advanced, disciplined and clean Singapore is. Sadly, our country truly is lightyears behind in terms of everything.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed to be a Filipino. This country will always be home, but I'm now starting to look at our migrating as a wonderful opportunity and I'm even excited about it instead of dreading it. I know that the Lord is bringing me to a country where He will bless me and my family. My Singapore trip was a sneak peek of what life would be like in Australia. A whole new world is waiting for me and I've faced all those challenges in the past 27 years to prepare me for this big move.

As I was stressing getting off the deisgnated bus stop and topping up my EZ link card at the same time, I cried to my friend, "Ella! Wait for me! Everything here is moving too fast, I'm not used to this!"

My friend replied, "Mich, ganyan talaga dito sa Singapore. Lahat dito may systema and disiplina. (This is really how it is in Singapore. People here are organized and disciplined.)"

"Pasensya ka na, galing kasi ako sa bansang walang disiplina. (You have to forgive me, I came from a country with no discipline.)"

I'm 27, still single but fabulous and I got to travel abroad on my own! What a privilege and a liberating experience! It was just awesome!

When The Phone Rings

One hot summer afternoon my sister and I started arguing. As sisters we have a knack for turning a petty argument into a war zone. It was as simple as who will answer the phone.

Ate: "Get the phone."

Michy: "You're nearer, you answer it."

Ate: "I don't want to answer it because I don't want people to know I'm here."

Michy: "Well, I'm not getting it."

Ate: "I'm not getting it either."

This went on and no one seemed to want to give in until I stood up to answer the phone... then it stopped ringing. A few hours later, the phone started to ring again. This time I didn't say a word and just answered it. It was my mom.

Mom: "I was surprised to see Bruno online." (Bruno is one of my exes. Of course that's not his real name)

Michy: "You're chatting with him right now?"

Mom: "Not anymore. We just finished chatting."

Michy: "Maaaaa! Why didn't you call me while you were chatting with him? I would've gone online. I want to talk to him too."

Mom: "I was calling you but no one was answering the phone. I thought you guys weren't home."

Michy: "Oh. So that was you who was calling..."

My mom told me in detail exactly how their conversation went. I kept saying that I wished I could've gone online if only she told me she was chatting with him while my mom kept pointing out that no one was answering the phone.

As soon as I put down the phone, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I don't know why but I felt really sad after hearing about him again. I haven't heard from him in almost a year now. Months after we broke up I tried to keep in touch but he made it clear that he doesn't want to, at least for now but may be in the future daw (at kailan pa kaya yun? pag over na 'ko sa kanya? pag huli na ang lahat?). He kept saying that we're still friends and it's not like he's never gonna talk to me ever but what he's doing now is quite the opposite. I sat crying on the floor opposite my sister.

Michy: "Why am I crying? I shouldn't be crying anymore! It's been almost two years now!"

Ate: "Ewan ko sa'yo. Bakit ka nga ba umiiyak?"

Michy: "Because I so desperately want to talk to him. It's not like I want us to get back together but he could at least be friends with me and still talk to me!"

Ate: "Ganun talaga. For some people it's better not to stay friends with their ex."

Michy: "Funny how I don't understand why Bruno can't be friends with me when I find Pipoy (a more recent ex, of course I didn't use his real name as well) really stupid for not understanding why I don't want to be friends with him."

In the article Can You Still Be Friends With Your Ex? I wrote two months ago, I talked about how there are some exes you can be friends with and some that you just really can't. I mostly talked about the jerks I dated in the past and how they're the type of exes I just really can't be friends with. This one particular recent ex, Pipoy, kept bugging me to remain friends with him. I think he's really annoying and stupid for not getting the fact that I never want to hear from him ever again because... well, he's a douche.

I guess I can't blame Bruno for not wanting to keep in touch. I did break his heart by giving up too quickly. As much as I have my reasons for not being friends with Pipoy, I'm sure Bruno also has his own reasons for not wanting to communicate with me even only as friends. (Kung ano man yung dahilan nya eh bwiset sya! Friends lang naman ayaw pa nya! Buti pa nanay ko kinakausap nya at minsan pa nga nag-eemail sya tapos ako ayaw nya kausapin! Ang arte nya ha! Bitter-bitteran nanaman ako... Wahahaha!)

What made me really cry was when I heard that he said, "I still think about you guys." Even though he didn't say "I still think about your daughter, Michy" (pero syempre hoping ako na sana nga yun ang ibig sabihin nya..hehe) at least I'm one of those people he still thinks about. At least he still thinks about me, period.

I still think about him too.

Constantly.

Until now.

Even after I've dated a few guys after him.

None of those relationships ever worked out because deep inside I knew that I was only on the rebound trying to move on (meaning move on to other guys). At the end of the day I just realized even more that I'd rather be with the one I really want instead of settling for a consolation prize.

It's been almost two years now. I really wanted to believe I was genuinely completely over him. I literally deleted and burried everything about him. I've given up all hope that we can ever be together. I've actually already accepted the fact a long time ago that we're just not meant for each other. It seemed to me that I'm over him. But I guess I'm not. I wouldn't be crying if I am. I may seem pathetic but that's the truth. It's a truth I've been battling to escape and deny. I still miss him and I miss him even more each day that I'm far away from him.

Michy: "You know Ate, mama could've told him something like, 'Michy is also online, would you like to chat with her too?'"

Ate: "Eh pano kung ayaw ka naman niya pala makausap, anong gagawin mo?"

When my tears have dried, I then realized that there's a reason why my sister and I were too lazy to pick up the phone that day. It may be God's way of sparing me even more pain because if I would've gone online there's a big chance that he would probably go offline the minute he finds out I wanted to chat with him. Or may be it's not yet time for us to start talking again. It's better this way...sila na nga lang ng nanay ko ang mag-usap!

I honestly thought that I've happily moved on. That I could care less if I hear news about him again.

But I guess I never really got over him.... I just learned to live with it.

Broken and Messy

Many things in my life are broken and messy.

People would often (as in every time they see me) ask/bug me why I'm still single. They would start with asking the million-dollar question,"So who's your boyfriend now?" (as if expecting that I have a new boytoy every time they see me). Then they would follow up with, "But you're smart and beautiful, sayang naman (what a waste)!" or "You should be married by now because your biological clock is ticking." I would usually respond with "So what if I'm still single?"

Seriously people! Get a life and quit stressing about my own!

The only person who has earned the right to stress about my dating life is my mom who just told me yesterday while we were dicussing yet again my single status, "It'll be difficult to get pregnant and give birth once you turn 30."

Most singles out there would go with the cliche "I'm single by choice". Some of them may very well be telling the truth but in reality most of them are just saying that so they won't look like, for the lack of a better term, losers. You can't really say "Oh I'm single because no guy has asked me out in the last century." No one in their right mind would admit to being undesirable!

But not me. Because at this point in my life I am NOT single by choice. If I had a choice I would love to be in a relationship right now. I love to be in love! But there are things in my life that still need sorting out before I can commit to someone. Even if I want to, I still can't. I am single by default. For now, that's my default setting.

Many things in my life are broken and messy. I am a product of a dark and hurtful past. I have a closet full of skeletons (who hasn't, right?) that I'm hoping will be kept buried and never to haunt me again. I have often blamed other people for it---from my absentee and alcoholic father to my always-too-busy to-have-time-to-listen mother to my sister, cousins, classmates and playmates who teased me for having dark-skin when we were kids (they even said I was adopted and my real parents lived in the slums alongside the Pasig river) to the jerks I have so many times ranted about in this blog who broke my heart.

But because of God's grace, He has given me the strength to finally admit to myself and to those people that I'm not a child anymore therefore I shouldn't be blaming other people for my own mistakes and bad decisions. It's time I own up to my choices. I no longer choose to be a prisoner of my past...of my anger, wrath and unforgiveness. I am learning to forgive myself and receive the forgiveness of the cross.

Over the years I have collected a string of broken hearts---mine and those that were broken because of me. I often referred to my first boyfriend as my "training ground". I had a relationship boot camp with him. He absorbed all the hard punches and blows of a screaming spoiled insecure brat. And yet inspite of that he still loved me and even begged to work things out (I'm surprised that we remain good friends until now). But old stubborn me thought that I have successfully passed boot camp and was ready to join the troops (read: move on to the next guy). What I didn't realize was that the Lord wasn't done with me yet. I still had so much training to do but I chose to prematurely cut that training short. Because I was in such a hurry to skip the growing up part and move on to my happily ever after I ended up getting beaten and badly wounded. I wasn't ready yet.

But the good news is all these things can be mended in Christ. I may be broken, but I know that I can bring it to Jesus and He can make me whole again. He can glue me back together and clean up the mess. There are days when I feel down and depressed but I always remember that I belong to a people blessed by God and when He has blessed, He would never revoke it.

"...but the Lord your God turned the curse into blessing for you because the Lord your God loves you." Deutoronomy 24:5

Too many times I have felt unworthy, that I have not lived up to the expectations of people and even myself. But I learned that that is if I focus too much on other people and myself. However, if I focus on God who reconciled all things to Himself then I will find fullness in Him. If you've seen Jerry McGuire you know very well the famous line, "You complete me". But this is what I've realized over years of failed relatonships... No human being, nothing on earth can ever complete me, only God can. It says so in Colossians 2:9-10:

"For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form,

and in him you have been made complete,

and He is the head over all rule and authority..."

I have always been angry, disappointed and unfulfilled because I expected my family, friends and especially my boyfriends to fill a void in my life and make me feel complete. I have depended my happiness on mere human beings so whenever they fall short of my expectations I get mad, hurt and frustrated. I blamed my unhappiness on others. But fullness will only come from God. So don't go searching for it in people, money, possessions and achievements. It's a waste of time and energy to put your hope on temporary things that in the end will be in vain. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend or being married doesn't necessarily equate to ultimate happiness.

People have often told me, and this include ex-boyfriends, "Pag nagmahal ka wag mo ibibigay lahat, magtira ka para sa sarili mo" (When you love someone, don't love them with your all, leave some for yourself). Until this day I don't get it. What do you mean by leave some for yourself? It just goes against the Bible's principle of loving unconditionally. In my point of view, it should be: When you love someone, love them with all your heart but always love God first with all your heart, mind, body and soul above anyone. Find your fullness and identity in the Lord so just in case you relationship fails you will have the strength to move on because your joy is complete in the Lord.

I would like to say that the new me has learned her lesson. But, I still haven't got life quite figured out yet. I'm still on a quest... searching for what I truly want in life---career-wise and relationship-wise, and where I really want to be. I'm a work in progress, God isn't finished with me yet. I'm still in relationship boot camp but I hear that I'm making progress.

Relationships can be at times messy, frustrating and does not meet my expectations but in spite of that I no longer wish to remain jaded and bitter and choose to love instead.

This is my prayer, "No matter how wanting and longing I am, you fulfill me Lord. No matter how shaky and unclear my future is, I know for a fact that it is secure in you. Help me to make you number one in my life (and heart), my true source of joy and fulfillment. Amen."

I'd Rather Stay Single

Last weekend I was reminded yet again why I started this blog in the first place. It was the night I almost went deaf and blind.

Before I continue, a little history: One of my bestest gal pal, that we will call Vicky (she would kill me if she finds out that I'm writing about her for the whole world wide web to read), asked me if I can go clubbing with her and her new boytoy. Normally, I would be cheering her on for getting back to dating again because that means she has moved on from being hung up on her ex for three years now. But there was a little problem about Mandy, the hot bartender she met at Greenbelt....he could probably be gay and not that really into her.

A straight guy would never post thousands of his pictures in friendster where he posed half naked. The t-shirt-lifting-showing-his-abs pose is a dead giveaway. His showing of his hot body only appeals to a certain gender and they're not women. Vicky told me how her other friends and family members think that he's gay too. Plus, his name is Mandy...as in Mandy Moore? I mean, c'mon!

There's also the fact that they've been planning to go out for months now but it never materialized into anything because Mandy would always cancel on her. And then there's this thing where he's not very well-spoken. I don't want to step on anyone's toes here or sound discriminating, but you know how people say "Gwapo na sana, 'wag lang magsasalita"? (He's really attractive so long as he doesn't start talking). You get my drift. Therefore, everyone told her to forget about him because he's obviously not that into her and he's not the type of guy she can proudly bring home to her parents and introduce to friends.

But she was too stubborn. She went ahead and still agreed to see him even after he told her that he's expecting her to introduce someone else to him. Hence, she asked me to come along.

Now, I can overlook Mandy's poor communication skills if only he has a pleasant personality and a kind heart. But the dude is a drama queen! Vicky also brought along her younger sister, Steph. For more moral support I guess. While my friend was driving, Steph was reading Mandy's text messages saying how he's royally pissed that we're late.

Michy: "Just tell him to go ahead and we'll meet him there."
Steph: "Ay, susunduin natin ang prinsesa sa Espanya. Yeah, I call him princess."
Michy: "Prinsesa? Hahaha! If he's really straight he wouldn't be PMS-ing about us being late and if he's a real gentleman he wouldn't ask you to pick him up cuz he would take a cab and just meet us there."

Car Scene with Mandy:
Mandy: "Kanina pa ko 8 nakabihis ha sabi mo kasi Vicky 8:30 pm mo ko susunduin tapos ngayon ka lang dumating anong oras na! Hindi nyo kasama si Philips?"

Vicky: "Philip couldn't make it. Nag-away sila ng jowa nya."

He looked disappointed when he heard this. Akala ko ka-pangalan ng TV ung Philips na sinasabi ni Mandy, yun pala Philip lang talaga name nya, walang letter 'S' sa dulo. Ay, kaloka! And he could've just thanked us for picking him up but instead he bitched about how late we were and openly showed how disappointed he was that he's stuck with three single ladies! How ungrateful! Buti nga sinundo pa namin siya, reklamador!

Mandy: "Lalaki din ung jowa nya di ba?"

This is just a theory, but we think that Mandy only asked Vicky out so he could hang out with her gay friend. I just rolled my eyes. I promised my friend that I wouldn't be rude to her new boytoy. Before Mandy got in the car with us I was chatting up a storm. But when he sat beside me and tried to start a conversation and joke around with me I suddenly became unusually quiet. He was trying so hard to be funny that he ended up just being annoying. He made a couple of feeble attempts to flirt with me... "Oh please! I'm so way out of your league! Don't even try!" is what I wanted to scream at his face. He probably still didn't want to come out of the closet that's why he tries to hit on girls just to prove that he's straight.

Club Scene:
I went thru a short phase in college where I hung out with friends who like to party a lot. I gave into peer pressure and I love dancing so may be that's why I go clubbing with them. You know, so I would belong and look cool. But it wasn't cool. The truth is clubbing, drinking and smoking were never my thing.

I hate clubs that are too loud I get temporarily deaf. The laser lights are too much that I get temporarily blind too. And what's up with the smoke that fills the dance floor every 15 minutes or so? It hurts my eyes and it really stinks! Plus, the smell of cigarette smoke sticks to your hair, clothes and skin that you need to shower ten times just to get out the stench! Then there's that ocassional creepy dude who would grope me or grind against me or would ask for my name and number. And that night there was a bunch of sorority "Woo Girls". You know those girls who scream "Woooooo!" when they're dancing at a club? It sounded like we were on the Space Shuttle at Enchanted Kingdom!

Michy: "We should've just hung out at Seattle's Best or Starbucks at Town (Alabang Town Center). This isn't our scene Vicky, we're too old for this. It's too loud we have to scream at each other's ears just so we could talk!"

We were all having a terrible time! I wanted to leave and save what's left of my sight and eardrums. To make things worse, Mandy just sat in the corner scowling. He didn't even try to talk to us or make the best out of the seemingly miserable situation we were in. If it was only up to me, I would have bolted the moment I stepped into that club. I don't care if we already paid the entrance fee! This is why I always drive my own car when I go out with other people, so I can bail anytime I want to. But my ride was sitting there across the table beside the guy that she's unbelievably so into that she wouldn't dare leave even if we were in the middle of a war zone in Iraq.

I don't understand what she sees in him! He's not even that into her. They're not even talking! And she still didn't want to leave? Seriously! Even Vicky's sister thinks that Mandy is definitely gay and such a loser. Yeah, that's how annoyed Steph was with Mandy that she told her older sister: "Ate, please never speak again to that loser after tonight!" Imagine, we came all the way from Laguna just to go to as far as Quezon City only to hang out with a douche/drama queen! That's how much Vicky likes Mandy. So after what seemed like forever of attempting to dance and having a good time, laughing at and whispering about Mandy, my friend finally agreed to leave. Oh, thank God!

McDonald's Scene:
Of course I wasn't gonna go home frustrated! I haven't been out in a while and I'm not gonna let something like this ruin my night. I insisted that we stop by McDo and have a cheeseburger and fries. I actually wanted to eat rice and fried chicken but Mandy was telling me how he doesn't eat rice at 2 a.m. because it would make him fat. The guy has a point. But only a girl would care about something like that, right boys? If this isn't screaming gay, I don't know what else!

Mandy: "Nagsa-sun bathing ka ba?"

Apparently he was addressing that question to me while staring at my bare arms and shoulders. He was either probably blinded by my shiny bronze skin or he wants to get some tips on how to score a really great tan!

Michy: "What do you mean? Like right now? No. I'm not, because we're here at McDo."

I tried to hold it in as much as I can the whole night. But I couldn't help it anymore. I just have to give him a sarcastic answer.

Mandy: "No. I mean like the last few days ago."

Oh, this is just too much! I thought to myself laughing. He has been trying to talk to me that way the whole night with his "You looks like you're 17".

Michy: "No. Just the last few months ago."

Then I burst out laughing! If I spend another minute talking to this guy I would have to literally put my mouth in my foot just to stop myself from laughing at him. I was trying my best not to be mean to him but can he not talk to me in English and just be himself instead? Just because I talk a certain way doesn't mean he has to keep up with me when it's clearly beyond his capability. I would appreciate it more kung magpapakatotoo nalang siya kaysa maging trying hard, diba?

Car Scene on the way home with Mandy again:
Mandy: "Mich, do you have a boyfriend?"
Michy: "I don't."
Mandy: "Why?"
Michy: "Because I just don't have one."
Mandy: "How old are you na ba?"
Michy: "27"
Mandy: "Sa age ninyo nyan ni Vicky dapat may boyfriend na kayo. Wala pa ba kayong balak mag-asawa?"

I wanted to say "Eh ano bang pakialam mo?!"

Michy: "Do you have a girlfriend...or boyfriend?" (Is what I said instead)

Mandy: "Wala din."

He didn't comment when I said 'boyfriend' so he probably meant both. Haha!

Michy: "Single ka din naman pala eh! How old are you anyway?"
Mandy: "26"
Michy: "Tingnan mo pare-pareho lang pala tayong single and in our late 20s tapos akala mo kung sino ka maka-judge dyan!"

Mandy: "At least lalake ako, eh babae kayo kaya dapat sa ganitong age may mga asawa na kayo. Bakit ba ayaw mo pa mag-asawa?"

I wanted to say "Eh ano nga bang pakialam mo?! Hindi tayo close para tanungin mo ko ng ganyan! I've only known you for three hours!" But, instead I said:

Michy: "And where in the constitution does it state that women our age should already be married? I don't have to explain myself to you. But since you asked... I'm not yet ready financially and I don't want to marry someone who doesn't have the means to raise a family as well. If getting married and starting a family means I have to let go of my comfortable lifestyle and worry about how to make ends meet then I'd rather stay single. I don't want to end up like some people I know who got married early and are now regretting it."

Mandy: "Alam mo Mich sa tingin ko mahihirapan ang lalaki manligaw sayo. Hindi pwede sayo yung guy na basta-basta lang."

Michy: "Buti alam mo!"

Kung mga kagaya lang din naman ni Mandy manliligaw sakin eh wag na lang! I'd rather stay single!

Roll Credits

It was just one of those ordinary days where you don't expect anything monumental to happen.

And then I saw him.

I saw him walking down the street.

I sat frozen in my car clutching the steering wheel til my knuckles turned white. The radio was blaring but all I could hear was the sound of my pounding heart. I couldn't move. "What am I supposed to do?" I thought frantically.

BEEEEEEPPPP!!!

I was brought back to reality when the car behind me started honking. I didn't notice that the light already turned green. I hastily put the car in first gear. I kept going without really thinking where I'm heading. Before I knew it, I was driving for hours. My mind was still on that face I haven't seen in two years... on that face I didn't realize til that moment that I've been missing all this time.

"I think my feelings for Derek are resurfacing," I admitted to my BFF's when we met up for coffee later that night.

"Stacy, why am I not surprised? Your feelings were burried in a very shallow grave," Nikki said matter-of-factly.

My two bestfriends are those people who keep me sane and I definitely need them at a time like this. I've known Nikki and Carla since we were teeny boppers going gaga over JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Jonathan Brandis and the Backstreet Boys, among others. Nikki is a tall, curvy, chinita, t-shirt and jeans type of girl who tells me to do whatever makes me happy. Carla has beautiful almond shaped brown eyes, petite, a fashionista at heart who always pulls me back to reality.

"I saw him this morning and it was the longest 20 seconds of my life. I didn't expect my supposedly burried feelings to resurface this easily just because I saw him that one time for a split second." I recounted the events that transpired earlier that day.

I tried to push my feelings for Derek to the remotest darkest deepest part of my heart and mind but I guess I've been pretending the whole time. After we broke up, I dated a couple of guys but none of it ever came close to what Derek and I had. One day I was asked why I stoppped dating this dude who seemed to be really into me. "He's not Derek," was the only answer I could give.

"You say you're completely over him, but the truth is you're not. Because if you are, you wouldn't be freaking out like that," Nikki said.

"I'm not freaking out. Okay, may be a little. No! I'm so not freaking out!" I said defensively.

"You called a de-stressing night session in the middle of the week at (looks at her watch) midnight! It's not like we're here to talk about how you bought that fabulous dress at a bargain price," Carla pointed out. "Where did you buy that anyway? You're totally pulling off that dress!"

"I know, right?" I beamed at her.

"Okay! Guys, focus! Please!" Nikki exclaimed.

"I am freaking out, aren't I? I am so totally freaking out!" I cried bumping my forehead repeatedly on the table.

"So what did you do when you saw him? Did you talk to him?" they asked.

"I drove away," I replied. "I panicked and drove off. I didn't expect to see him there. He's supposed to be in some European country God knows where. I thought I was seeing things, he could be a ghost or just a figment of my imagination for all I know! But then I realized that it was really him. I just don't know if he's only here visiting or if he's back for good."

"You think I should try to contact him?" I asked my friends. They gave me a we've-had-this-conversation-a-million-times look. "Stacy, if he wanted to let you know that he's here then he would've called you. But he hasn't. So what does that tell you?" Carla said.

"Men have come and gone since we broke up. I may have seemed like I've moved on. But seeing him again today made me realize that those feelings were never gone. I never got over him," I sadly admitted as tears rolled down my eyes.

"I'm pathetic," I cried.

"Sadly, my dear friend, you are," Nikki said patting my shoulder. All three of us burst out laughing.

"At least we all know how your story with Derek is gonna end," Carla started. "He comes back. You fall madly in love all over again. Then love kicks you in the ass. Roll credits."

As I was driving home I keep seeing flashbacks of the time when I was the happiest, the time I spent with Derek. I could still hear his weird embarassing laugh while he chases me running around like kids. I could still feel his warm strong arms around me whenever I would feel cold or scared. I could still see his adorably goofy smile while he's trying to cheer me up. I could still feel his hand in mine as we pray together. I could still taste his lips on mine when he said goodbye.

If I only knew that that was the last time I was going to see him, the last time I get to kiss him then I wouldn't have let go. Whenever I think of Derek I only remember the most amazing moments we've shared. Normally, I would've been very angry and bitter when things didn't work out between us and he disappeared without a trace.

But not with Derek. He's not like the other guys I've dated. He was different. He finds what normally would be a turn off to other guys actually adorable about me. Apart from my family and bestfriends, he's the only man who gets me. With Derek, everything was easy and comfortable. We make each other happy. Intoxicatingly overwhelmingly awesomely happy. But our similarity ends there. We want different things.

I woke up that morning thinking that nothing monumental is ever going to happen on this ordinary day. But it wasn't just any other day. It was two years ago all over again when I was crying about the most stupid mistake I ever made--- when I had the chance to be loved but chose to run the other way...

I was about to crawl into bed, curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep when I heard my phone beep.

"Hey Stacy! I saw you drive by in your car this morning. I'm here in town. Can we meet up? --- Derek"

An Incredible Feat

"There were moments when my dad wasn't the easiest person to love. My mom could've chosen to give up but she loved him anyway. I wish I had my mother's strength and courage to choose to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option ..."


I was watching TV while my mom was sleeping beside me. As I got off her bed to go to my own room, she suddenly called me...

"Papa"

No, she wasn't dreaming. She thought she was sleeping beside her husband---not the new one but the one who passed away seven years ago.

Ever since my dad died from a tragic accident I would often hear my mom calling out to him whenever something wakes her up in the middle of the night. I've always asked her why she calls out to my dad but she just says "Did I really say 'papa'?" Apparently she's not aware that she does that a lot.

A tear rolled down my cheek. She still misses him until now, even though she has found someone new. When my dad was still alive, I've always known that my mom loved him unconditonally. But seven years after his death nothing has changed. He wasn't the perfect husband. He wasn't the perfect father either. And when he had those moments where he wasn't the easiest person to love, she loved him anyway. Choosing to love someone when walking away seems to be a more convenient option is an incredible feat.

I ran to my room crying and calling out to my dad too. (Tears are still fogging up my eyes while I'm writing this entry)

I don't think she will ever get over him... he will always be the love of her life.

I miss my dad too...

And I miss that someone I've loved and lost. The sad part is he doesn't even know... and he never will. Because I was too scared to admit to myself much more tell him how I truly feel, I chose the more convenient option: I walked away.

I know I've been saying that I'm loving and enjoying this season of singleness. But I could really use someone's warm reassuring hand to hold mine right about now...

Not A Gender Supremacy Debate

I'd like to thank Oracle for giving me the inspiration to write this post when he made a comment on my What He Says Vs. What He Actually Really Means entry. He said:

(Mali talga si parekoy na itrato ang mga babae na ganun lang. Pero hindi ito ang gusto ko bigyan ng punto. Pipilitin ko mag ingles... Pakihanda ang mop para sa dugo.. hehe...)

Damned if you do, Damned if you don't!

It's not like I'm trying to defend my gender here, or even to start a gender supremacy debate, but you know it's not that simple as just telling the truth. Talk about timing, readiness and a plethora of other things, but really it's going to hurt like hell either way.

And some girls do the same thing when dumping boys. It's just that some girls think that they deserve or demand special treatment from guys. They can hurt the guy but the guy must be able to take it. The guy can't hurt the girl but the girl can do so anytime she wants. It's just crazy!

Some people are so darn impatient in knowing the truth. But unfortunately some people cannot handle the truth. Telling a lie is different from suppressing the truth. The question really falls on how we are ready to know, hear and accept the truth.

This is beginning to start as a post so i better cut it short. But let me close it with a song..."There's no easy way to break somebody's heart"


This really isn't a gender supremacy debate because in this argument I will have to agree with this dude. He's absolutely right! I used to be the type of person who only sees things in black and white. Note the past tense because I would like to believe that I'm slowly learning to see things from other people's point of view.

It isn't just about telling the truth. And that "plethora" of other things Oracle was talking about (Btw, I had to look up what plethora means... hehehe) are the determining factors on the how, why and when of breaking up. But in any case, I would still rather hear the truth rather than finding out later on that the person lied blatantly to my face.

Exhibit A:
Guy keeps bailing out on girl and gives lame excuses like "I'm really busy with work" or "I have a big problem at home" or "I'm just swamped with so many things right now. It's not you, it's me. I have things to deal with on my own."

Girl finds out that everytime the guy cancels their plans he was really out with his buddies partying, on a road trip or an out of town trip.

Exhibit B:
Guy tells his girlfriend that he's only friends with his female co-worker, that they're best friends actually. He denies that he likes that co-worker.

Months after they break up, girl finds out from the guy himself that he used to have a thing for his co-worker.


Being lied to is such a horrible feeling. Nobody wants to be lied to. Sometimes I think that I'd rather I was kept in the dark and never heard the truth. But then again I'm glad I did find out because it just confirms that he's a lying jerk and I'm better off without him. The truth can really set us free. It set me free from a relationship based on lies, deceit and games. Though I must admit that I am guilty of this: I used to think that it's totally unfair when boys hurt me but it's alright if I hurt them! How self-absorbed was I? (Again, notice the past tense) Akala ko kasi dati robot ang mga lalaki... hehe.. But just like any other human being they get hurt too it's just that they have a good way of hiding it behind their tough exterior.

I was too busy focusing on my own hurt feelings that I've forgotten how I've hurt other people too. I was always the one doing the dumping. I've only been dumped once in my entire life but only after I've dumped him three times before that. I guess he thought that it's only fitting that he'll have the last laugh after what I did to him. And naturally, ako pa yung galit! (I had the nerve to get mad at him for dumping me!) And looking back I realized that I've only been honest 5 out of 7 times.

Here are some of my classic lame excuses:

1. "I don't feel the same way anymore because you've been complacent. There's no more spark, no romance!"

Translation: I met someone else and I don't want our break up to look like I cheated on you.

2. "I'm not ready for a relationship." (Hahaha! I can't remember anymore how many poor guys have heard this line from me!)

Translation: I'm just not that into you.

3. "It's over... It's sooo over!"

Translation: I'm bored with you! I want a new boytoy!
or
You're really not that a good kisser! I've had better!

What He Says Vs. What He Actually Really Means

"I think I want to break up with my girlfriend." My friend casually announced.

We were eating vanilla sundaes last night when he started telling me about his dilemma. He asked me how he's going to tell his girlfriend that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. He's worried that he'll hurt her (Duh!). The girl just lost her job because of the current global financial crisis. He doesn't want to drop another bomb in her life right now.

"I thought things were going great with you guys? Aren't you just about to celebrate your 6th month together? What happened?" I asked.

"Ayoko na. Cold na ko sa kanya ngayon eh. Naaawa na lang ako sa kanya kaya hindi ko pa magawang makipag-break." (I don't want her anymore. I don't feel the same way. The only reason why I still haven't broken up with her is because I feel sorry for her) He replied.

Girls, you should understand the we are not the only gender who double-talks. Guys do that too. A lot! And if you don't want to be that jerk's next conquest then I suggest that you learn how to decode what a guy is saying. Because what he says is actually different from what he really means.

What my egotistical friend (I don't even know why I still hang out with him) is actually saying is this: "I already got what I want from her and she is no use to me now. I want to move on to the next unsuspecting female victim. In the meantime, while I'm still on the prowl I'll keep her around in case I want a booty call."

Then he proceeds with telling me the conversation he had with one of his male buddies and the advice he received.

"Dude, just tell her that you're really busy right now. Or tell her that you have things to settle or fix in your life and you can't be in a relationship while you're doing that." Was his friend's very wise advice.

Uhmmm... how about telling the truth you pathetic gutless coward?! I mean, seriously! Why do guys have to lie? We at least deserve to hear the truth and not some lame excuse, right? It's like my parents telling me when I was 7 that my dog didn't actually die, she was just sent to doggie heaven for good behavior.

"Why do you have to lie to her? Why can't you just tell her the truth?" I asked my friend idignantly. I've heard that same crappy excuse from some loser I recently dated and I can't believe that I'm hearing it straight from another guy's mouth. Guys really say things like that just to get out of a relationship!

"Because I don't want to be the bad guy. She was sacked from her job and then gets dump three days after? That'd would be horrible for anyone!" He explained. (Poor girl. She has no idea about what's to come.)

What he actually means is this: "I somewhat care if she would get hurt but mostly I just want to look like I'm the real victim here. I want her to think that it's not her fault but entirely mine instead. You know, in case word comes out at least girls would think that I'm the one always getting dumped and not the one doing all the ditching. That way they wouldn't think that I'm a real jerk."

It's not you, it's me... right boys?

Almost

Clear blue skies. Cool ocean breeze. Waves gently lapping on the shore.

The beach always has that unexplainable magic where it can bring two people from worlds apart together. It's a perfect backdrop for that perfect love story where boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after.

Sasha came to that tropical paradise for a much needed vacation--- away from the hustle and bustle of Manila. She also looked forward to visiting relatives she hasn't seen in a long time. She loved the beach too much that she didn't mind if her cousins didn't accompany her to the beach that day and instead threw her into the mercy of strangers. Friends of her cousins from the U.S. that were there on vacation too. Going into that trip she only had one luggage and a big beach bag that doubled as her hand-carry. Naturally, going back she only expected to bring home dirty laundry that would all of a sudden wouldn't fit in her luggage anymore (you know how you're bringing home the same stuff you packed prior to leaving but when you're packing at the end of your trip it won't fit anymore?) Little did she know that she was about to bring back something bigger... something unexpected.

And may be something she's not yet ready for.

Sasha is the type of woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it. She also thinks that she's got life all figured out. But after having her heart broken a few times she realized that relationships are messy and dissapointing and therefore thinks that it's best to build a wall around herself. You know, to protect herself from people who are only out to hurt her. She feared getting attached too much. She feared letting any one in. She feared falling in love again.

"Hi. I'm Drew! I'm sorry I didn't get your name. You are?" He said to Sasha from across the table while stretching out his hand.

"I'm Sasha." She replied and shook his hand.

"It's really nice meeting you Sasha." He replied with a smile.

Sasha half smiled and half pretended to study the ants crawling on the sand beside her feet. She suddenly felt shy. She didn't know how to respond to Drew mainly because she's been talking and laughing with his buddies translating some of the words they didn't understand and he was the only one who actually showed genuine interest in her. She normally didn't feel this shy around men. She's even used to men hitting on her and always had a witty sarcastic comeback.

What she thought was an afternoon spent alone swimming on the beach turned out to be hours of talking to this stranger from a far away land. They hit it off right away. For two people who come from different worlds they had an instant connection. Albeit, he's not her type. She normally wouldn't give a guy like him the time of the day. Drew on the other hand wasn't used to coming up to girls and actually sustaining a long conversation. But something brought them together that one sunny day on that tropical paradise...

Sasha only realized that she has spent the entire afternoon with one boy when her cousins and Drew's friends pointed it out to her. She enjoyed being with him so much she didin't notice the time or the fact that there were 15 other people with them and she chose to hung out with just one. That was a mistake. I musn't allow myself to get any closer to him. I should start avoiding him. She thought to herself. She knows that this was only a temporary thing and it will all be over in a few days. I'm flying back home and so will he. I'll get on with my life and so will he.

But all her attempts to avoid Drew failed. Mainly because he followed her like a sick puppy and she loves having someone to pick on. He was an easy target because he lets her make fun of him trying to speak in Tagalog. She eventually gave in and agreed to go out with him. Since then they were inseparable.

Drew wasn't like the guys she dated in the past. For one, he wasn't intially interested in just getting into her pants (this of course came in later). The first compliment he gave her was "You're beautiful Sasha" and not the usual "You're really hot Sasha" (which of course he eventually said later on). Being with Drew felt like it was her "firsts" even though she's had a few serious relationships and then some in the past 25 years. The first guy she liked, held her hand, watched a movie with, went snorkeling with, who gave her red roses, the first guy she introduced to mom whom he also gave flowers to, the first guy she kissed... who made her heart skip a beat. But the best part was the fact that he makes her happy. For someone she's only met he sure knows how to make her laugh. She can be a total goofball and still be adorable in his eyes. And for the first time in years, Sasha finally allowed herself to break chunks of her wall.

Sasha brings out the kid in him. He hasn't met anyone like her. For someone he just met it feels like he's known her his whole life. He feels like he can tell her anything without the fear of rejection, she was someone he knew he could trust with his open emotions and deepest secrets. He loves goofing off with her and just being silly. She opened up his eyes to a world he didn't think existed anymore. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time. And for the first time ever, Drew showed her a side of him he never showed anyone before.

Caught up in their own little happy world, Drew started talking about the future. About what would happen when they go back to reality. He wanted them to be exclusive. Sasha agreed (but at that time she didn't know exactly what she was saying yes to). Drew thought that it was worth trying to make the long distance thing work. Sasha agreed (but at that time she didn't know exactly what she was agreeing to).

"We'll make this work." Drew promised kissing her on the lips.

But it didn't.

Long distance relationship is and was a terrible idea. It was awful.

And so he flies back to his country and Sasha stayed in hers. He promised he'd be back sooner than she thinks and would keep communicating with her. They tried to keep this up for a couple of weeks but the distance together with their cultural and beliefs differences and language barrier soon took its toll on the relationship. By the time he wakes up to call her she's already asleep. When she wakes up and tries to call him back he's already asleep. It started to get frustrating. Things started to fall apart.

Back in their own worlds, Drew wasn't the same person he was on vacation. Sasha started realizing that this isn't the kind of relationship she wants. He wants them to be exclusive but could not tell her where the relationship is heading. He just wanted to go with the flow and see where it'll take them. She wanted security. Now the word "exclusive" becomes confusing for her. She didn't know exactly where they are in the relationship. In her culture, they don't use the word "exclusive". When a guy voices out his intentions by telling the girl he loves her and the girl says I love you back then it's usually followed up with "So tayo na?" (So does that mean you're my girlfriend?) Then they officially become a couple. But in Drew's culture, exclusive means you're in a committed relationship but it doesn't necessarily mean that you love the person. Ang labo noh? (Confusing, right?) In Sasha's world you can only be in a committed relationship when you are both in love with each other. But not in his world.

Reality started sinking in. Sasha knew what they had to do. They needed to take a step back. She believed that they started their relationship prematurely. They skipped the "getting to know each other" part and went straight to the couple phase. She wanted to take things slow and go back to being friends first. You see, this was the part where Sasha didn't really know what she was saying yes and agreeing to. She wasn't really sure what kind of relationship they have. Are they boyfriend/girlfriend or in between? So what Sasha thought as them building the foundation of their future relationship based on friendship was misunderstood by Drew as them breaking up. So he disappeared without a trace. Leaving Sasha hurt and even more confused than ever before.

Vacation romances have an expiry date. It has a best before seal written in fine print. The catch is by the time you purchased it it was already close to expiring. It was that inconspicuous for a reason: it didn't want you to notice that it'll all be over even before anything really started. Because if you knew that then you wouldn't have bought it anyway. It only wants you to enjoy what you have that moment without worrying about the real implications. But as soon as it expires, reality will rear its ugly head and pull you back to the ground. You'll then realize that you're not the same person you were in vacation. That the defenses you let down is back up.

But as much as that vacation felt like it was just a dream it was also very real for Drew. For someone who's only dated but hasn't been in love in his entire 27 years of existence, he didn't know if what he felt for Sasha was love (but then again, something must be really wrong with a man old enough to get married who hasn't been in a serious relationship ever). He was sure that it was something he hasn't felt for anyone before. He knew that he has never felt that passion to care for someone so much and that someone like her doesn't come along to someone like him everyday. It was all new to him and he didn't know what to make of it. In his panic and fear he chose to just walk away from it all.

Sasha was just as confused. She knows that she wants to be with Drew but the whirlwind romance she had on that trip scared her. Everything was happening too fast. She was scared that she was falling for him. Because she was hell bent on protecting herself from pain and heartache, she held back and didn't allow herself to fall in love again.

And just like that they were back to being strangers...

L.O.V.E.

You know how when we were still in grade school and we would write cheesy acronyms at the end of our letters to our crush or friends? Well it's funny now but back in those days it was one of the coolest things ever! Remember I.T.A.L.Y (I Trust And Love You) or J.A.P.AN (Just Always Pray At Night)?

This is from our pastor's preaching at our church in VCF Alabang yesterday. It's so funny that I think it's worth sharing to the blogging world. Pastor Ariel said that people from different countries (and some places in the Philippines) have different definitions of the word LOVE:


H.O.L.L.A.N.D - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies

L.I.B.Y.A - Love Is Beautiful, You Also

F.R.A.N.C.E - Friendship Remains And Can Never End

C.H.I.N.A - Come Here I Need Affection

B.U.R.M.A - Between Us, Remember Me Always

I.N.D.I.A - I Nearly Died In Adoration

I.M.U.S - I Miss You Sweetheart

C.E.B.U - Change Everything But Us

T.O.N.D.O - Tonight's Our Night Dearest One

And I found a few acronym meanings of L.O.V.E from acronymfinder.com. Some are kind of bitter and jaded:

Loss Of Valuable Energy

League of Villainous Entities

But there are some that promote optimism:

Lots of Valuable Energy

Listen, Overlook, Value, Encourage

Let Our Values Endure

Let Our Violence End

Some are, well...wala lang:

Let Older Volunteers Educate

Lunar Observations Verifier Editor

And then there are some that...let's just say is open to your own interpretation. Bahala na kayo kung anong iisipin nyo!

Legs Open Very Easy

Look Observe Verify Enjoy

I wonder how people come up with these things! Hahaha!

Noong Mga Bata Pa Tayo

"Kabila ka ba sa huling taon ng '80s at mga unang taon ng '90s?"

This is my first attempt to write something in my native tongue. I find it really difficult to read and write in Filipino sadly because I was too consumed by the Western Culture and well I was used to the English language when I read or write anything practically all my life. And if you really listen to me in Filipino you will find so many flaws in my grammar that if I was speaking in English I would sound like that trying hard idiot I wrote about in my 'Nakaka-In Love Talaga' blog entry. Hence, the reason why I'd rather not write anything in Filipino, I'm a disgrace! Jose Rizal might roll over his grave if he hears my Filipino!

Sabi ko nga mag-tatagalog ako diba... Eh bakit English pa rin ako ng English?

Back to the topic. Hindi ko alam kung pano ko sasabihin yan sa Tagalog! Kaya pagtiyagaan nyo nlng na Taglish itong article ko ngayon! Good luck....sakin at sa kawawang magbabasa nito! Hahaha! Matagal ko na natanggap yang text message tungkol sa mga Old Skool memories, meron din ngang email nyan diba? Naisip ko na sa Filipino ito isulat kasi mas nakakatawa kaysa sa wikang Ingles tska para mas ma-gets nyo. Pero dahil buwan ng mga puso ngayon at tila lahat ng mga tao ay tungkol sa pag-ibig ang paksa ng mga blogs nila eh naisip ko na maging pasaway and talk about something totally different and irrelevant! Ganyan ang mga KSP!

Kaya nag-isip ako ng sarili kong version ng mga naalala ko nung bata pa ako umpisahan na natin sa:

• Pagtawag ng KSP (Kulang Sa Pansin / Kulangot Sa Pader) sa kaaway o kagalit mo - maari itong sabihin sa halos lahat ng pagkakataon dahil pwede mong iba-ibahin ang ibig sabihin basta gusto mong mang-asar. Nauso din nun ang "Bal Mo!" na sasagutin naman ng "Anong Bal Mo?! Wala dito si Bal Sotto!" o di kaya "Pendong may pagong! Alas!" sabay babatukan ang katabi kapag nakakita ng Volkswagen. Ewan ko ba kung sinong nag-papauso ng mga ganyan!
  


• Ako si Pink Five - pero laging ipagpipilitan ng ate ko na ako si Yellow Four, syempre ayoko kasi hindi naman siya kasing cute ni Pink Five diba? Lahat ata ng batang babaeng nakalaro ko gusto sila lagi si Pink Five kaya ayun ang alam kong laruin na Bioman ay Red One, Green Two, Blue Three, Pink Five, at Pink Five. Oo... dalawa nalang kaming Pink Five para walang away!
  


• Gumamela at Lupa - yan ang ingredients sa larong luto-lutuan namin.... as in totoong lupa kaya galit na galit yaya ko sakin tuwing umuuwi akong madungis!
  


• Habulin ang tsinelas.... sa kanal - ihuhulog yung tsinelas sa kanal ng isang street tapos susundan namin hanggang saan ito makarating... exciting diba? Malas lang kung kaninong tsinelas yun! Meron din namang bangkang papel pero tuwing may bagyo lang yun at nagbabaha



• Naglaro din ako ng Patintero, Piko, Moro-Moro at 10-20 - pero hanggang sa bewang lang kaya kong abutin minsa-minsan pa yun ha kasi ang liit ko nung bata ako (hanggang ngayon naman)... ngayon wala na akong nakikitang mga batang naglalaro ng ganyan sa labas namin thanks to the internet, Play Station, Wii at kung anu-ano pang gadgets kaya bata palang tinuturuan na maging sedentary ang lifestyle!
  


• Atari at Game 'n Watch - yan ang 'gadgets' nung panahon na yun. Iniyakan ko pa yan! Dalawa na nga lang kami ng ate ko eh nag-aagawan pa kami! Pero mas masaya pa rin maglaro sa labas ng bahay!
  


• Batibot, Okay Ka Fairy Ko, Eat Bulaga, Little Miss Philippines - yan ang mga paborito kong panoorin noon... Favorite ko sina Pong Pagong, Kiko Matsing, Kuya Bodjie, Ningning, Aiza Seguerra, Pipoy, Ruby at Ina Magenta. Isama mo na rin sa mga paborito ko si Rene Requeistas, sayang nga at ang aga nyang na-dedo!
  


• Si Cedie at Princess Sarah - sila ang mga kasama ko tuwing umaga. Kaya nga nung pinalabas ulit yan ng ABS-CBN ngayong matanda na ako tuwang-tuwa talaga ko!

• Pritos Ring, Chikadeez, Pompoms at Bazooka - yan ang mga paborito kong bilhin sa tindahan. Nilalagyan ko pa ng Pritos Ring lahat ng daliri ko. Yung Chikadeez naman may free na parang malagkit na bear na ewan ko kung anong silbi nun basta alam ko gusto namin yun dahil sa mga kung anik-anik na free. (Hindi ako yang batang gusgusin sa larawan sa itaas na kumakain ng Pritos Ring)
  
  
• Stars, How Gee at Always (with matching "butterfly" dance steps ng UMD) - "Always... I wanna be with you and make believe with you..." Yan ang mga sinayaw at kinanta ko noon, hindi Macarena at Boombastic na nakalagay dun sa forwarded text message. "I hope, I hope you comprehend..."

Madami din akong maling akala nung bata ako o yung tinatawag na 'misconceptions' sa Ingles. Ito ang ilan sa mga naalala ko pa. Nakakahiya man ngunit, datapwa't, subalit hanggang ngayon natatawa ako, buti nalang cute ako nung bata ako (hanggang ngayon naman)!

• Mispronounced words - napakarami nito at habang tumatanda ako doon ko na lamang unti-unting nadidiskubre kung anong tamang pag-bigkas sa mga salitang ito! Nariyan na ang "Taympers" na time first pala... "Happyslip" na half slip pala (nanay ko kasi yun ang tawag diyan hanggang ngayon!)... "Batingshoot" na bathing suit pala (narinig ko naman yan sa yaya ko)
  
• Misheard Lyrics - syempre madami din ito! Nariyan na ang kanta sa jump rope na "I love you telly bear telly bear, touch the ground, turn around, touch the ground and a turn around!" kaya pala ayaw ako isali ng ate ko sa mga laro nila! Pati na rin yung nursery rhyme na "Bah bah black sheep, any any wolf" nalaman ko nalang ang tamang lyrics nung narinig kong kinakanta ng pamangkin ko na 2 years old! Kailan ko lang rin nalaman ang tamang lyrics ng "Too legit, too legit git kwe" ay "too legit, too legit to quit" pala nung napanood ko sa Myx yung MTV. Yung "Vanilla ice ice baby, may munggo pa sa dulo" ay hanggnang ngayon ganyan ko kinakanta. At etong kanta na 'to hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam ang tamang lyrics "Angelinaaa... mabaho *tootoot* mo, di naghuhugas kinalikot mo pa..." (narinig ko lang yan sa mga klasmeyts kong boys nung 5th grade ata....mga lalake talaga o! tsk tsk...)
  
• Tuwing kumakain kami sa Jollibee akala ko ang yaman yaman namin.
  
• At nung lumipat kami mula sa Makati papunta sa isang village dito sa south akala ko talagang mayaman nga kami kasi meron pang playground... hindi pala! 25 years to pay ang bahay namin at meron ngang playground wala namang club house!
  
• T-shirt with folded sleeves, shoulder pads, tokong, espadril, square pants, suspenders, blue dress na may print ng mga dilaw na pinya at Troll na nakakagat sa shoe laces ng Barbie rubber shoes ko - eto ang inakala ko na astig na porma! Feel na feel ko pa talaga ang get-up ko nung mga panahon na yun...ngayon ko lang nalaman na....ANG BADUY PALA! Samahan mo pa ng ugly hairstyle! Nung nauso ung kulot nakisabay naman ako kaya lalo tuloy ako nagmukang galing sa bulubundukin ng tralala kasi maitim na nga ako tapos kulot pa...gets nyo na yun! I'm sure 10 years from now when I look back at the photos of "2009 Me" eh iisipin ko na ang baduy ng porma ko nung 27 yrs old ako! (wag naman sana!)
  
• Pinagdasal lang daw ng mga magulang ko na magkaroon sila ng baby kaya daw bigla nalang akong tumubo sa tiyan ng nanay ko....yan ang sabi nya nang tanungin ko siya kung paano niya ko pinag-buntis.
  
• Kaya tuloy inakala ko na ampon lang ako at ako ang nawawalang anak ng hari at reyna ng Brunei o kung ano mang mahiwagang kaharian! Akala ko talaga prinsesa ako!
  
• Tuwing naglalaro ako ng Barbie o nakikinig sa mga fairytales iniimagine ko na isang araw makakatagpo din ako ng sarili kong Prince Charming. Yung gwapo, as in His Royal Hotness talaga at dadalhin niya ako sa aming sparkling castle. Paniwalang paniwala talaga ako na ang unang boyfriend ko ang "Happily Ever After" ko.... yun pala madami pa pala akong kailangang pagdaanan na mga pagsubok---makulong sa tuktok ng tore, pumaslang ng dragon at humalik ng isang katutak na palaka...
  
  

Ang maging bata nga naman... haaay....

P.S. Akala ko din noon totoong alien sina Sitsiritsit Alibangbang... Hindi pala!

Nakaka-In Love Talaga!

They say that "A man falls in love with a woman's beauty, while a woman falls for his words."


I know this is the love month so I decided not to write about that gushy stuff since everyone is talking about it anyways in their own blog sites! This enrty isn't about boy-meets-girl, girl-falls-in-love-with-boy. It's quite the opposite actually. It's about how one girl was smart enough to see, or rather hear, that she was wasting her time with a loser.

Now back to that quote. It is a fact that men are visual creatures. They are initially (and forever) attracted to what they deem beautiful=sexy in their eyes. Women, on the other hand, are wired differently. We are emotional beings. We are drawn to what we hear, feel, and touch. But mostly to what we hear e.g. promises men make that they really mean to break.



So here's the true story of a boy and a girl who will totally disprove that theory! Not all women will fall for a man's words... and definitely not with this man...



He greets her this way every morning thru text (and literally spells this way too):
"Let the birds greets you a good morning as the sun shine on your face! Isang magandang umaga! I just weak up. I'm now prepairing for work." (Birds greets? Really? Subject-verb agreement! Helloooo! And spell-check lately?)



Sometimes he likes to mix it up with other made-up inspiring quotes:
"I just feel how lucky we are living in the world full of 'challenges'. I call it color of life... Always a new day to start. Let's be inspire." (Hindi ako na-inspire! Ikaw?)


He's not only fond of making up quotes but words too:
"Tiki-tiki!" He said one time. "What did you just say?" She asked. "Kinikiliti kasi kita." He replied.

"Ohhhh! You mean tickle tickle!" (Tiki-tiki for baby! Hahaha!)

And more words of wisdom:
"Everything happened for a reason... and they happens for the goodment." (Is "goodment" even a word? And don't get me started with the 'happened' and happens'!)


He also asks questions that will have you lost for an answer:
"To whom do you learn that from?" (Eto piso, humanap ka ng kausap mo!)


And more questions that will leave you dumbfounded:
"Is your Sun [cellular] have load? Please call me." (Ano daw? Nakakaloka!)


He definitely knows what he deserves:
"I only reply now because I leave my phone at another place and I had drinks with my brother and cousins last night. I don't know if you will forgive me but I know my mistake. I disorb to be panish." (She forgave him for that mistake but not for this.)


But he has his moments where he can be a real sweetheart:
"I car wash your car. Now I fix your bumper." ('I washed your car' would've been fine you know and besides my bumper doesn't need fixing! Thank you very much!)

He also knows exactly what to say to melt any girl's heart:
"I'll ganna miss you." (Pwes, hindi kita ma-mimiss! Bwiset!)

And he absolutely knows How-To-Lose-A-Girl-In-10 Days:
At the end of a huge argument, she asks, "Do even you love me?"
He replies, "In some level." (Where at? Hahaha!)



I gotta hand it to the dude--- at least he's funny (without even trying!) Hahaha! O diba nakaka-in love siya talaga? Sinong babae ang hindi mahuhulog sa kagaya niya? I mean, I do understand that English is his second language. I'm not an expert as well. Therefore, as non-native speakers it's only natural to make mistakes. But it seeems like he really thinks he is right and that it makes him sound cool. Dude, reality check: It makes you sound stupid! Totally not cool! Mag-tagalog ka nalang!

I don't know who's dumber... the dude who obviously should quit trying so hard to speak and write in English or....


....the girl who gave this guy a chance even though she knows that she's way out of his league.

"I'm not surprised you broke up so soon! Hindi kayo magka-level! Obviously mas matalino ka sa kanya! But for someone who's supposed to be smarter, you were stupid enough not to see right from the start that he's stupid and a jerk!" Said the poor girl's bestfriend.

Are You Settling For Second Best?

GIRL FRIEND: But he's really hot!

MICHY: He may look good on the outside but you know very well that he's only second best---a consolation prize.

GIRL FRIEND: "Yun lang naman problema sa kanya pero other than that pwede na." (That's the only problem I have with him but other than that I think he'll do for now)

MICHY: Pwede na? You don't deserve a "pwede na guy". You deserve the best, God's best. Don't settle for second best...ever! Have you not learned from my own mistakes after all these years of friendship? Have I not taught you anything?


GIRL FRIEND: But I haven't gone out with anyone ever since I broke up with my ex. It's been 2 years! And you know that something like this never happens to someone like me. May be to you, but not me. Boys don't come up to me and ask for my number.


MICHY: This is totally going in my blog!


That was the conversation between my girlfriend and I last night when she called to recount in excrutiating detail everything that transpired between her and this new guy she met at a bar. In that one-hour phone call about a boy (it was like high school all over again!) I already came up with a whole blog post about dating and single women in their 20's. If you're like my friend or knows someone who has the same dilemma then read on. This is what I told her.

• ONLY SETTLE FOR GOD'S BEST

Do you really like the guy or are you just settling? You probably have this bright idea that since it's taking God such a long time to give you a partner then you'll just date around while waiting. Anyway, it's just temporary...until someone better comes along. At least you have someone. It's better than being single and dateless on a saturday night.

So you think you're only worth that much?

Really?

I know we're not aiming for perfection here because we can never end up with prince charming (Read: the "ideal" guy you made up in your mind ever since you were a little girl that we all know doesn't exist). But at least choose someone you know is perfect for you. Many christians say that they want to marry someone who share the same faith and passion in loving and serving God. If that's the case, then why is there an increasing number of women settling for the opposite? These women either naively believe that eventually their boyfriends will convert or that in this generation faith is not a major issue anymore as long as you love each other. Sadly, I've fallen victim to this kind of thinking in the past. But if you are serious in following Christ then it is a major issue. It's the number one criteria that you should be looking for in a guy. If you want to marry a christian then date only christian men! That seems logical, right?

And I already know about that loving someone means accepting them for exactly who they are crap. But ladies let's be realistic here. If he could possibly be a bi-sexual or has an addiction or is not from the same faith or does not believe in God at all then that should already be a deal-breaker for you. Now, what if it it's just as simple as you're not on the same wave length or not from the same background or deep inside you know that you're not just that really into him but you just like to have a man in your life....any man! Would you still give him the time of day? Not even!

Someone as fabulous as you deserve only God's best---not second best. Don't settle for anything less... ever!

• SET A RADICALLY HIGHER STANDARD

And stick to it! Don't think of lowering your standards just because people are saying you're too picky or all your friends are getting married one by one and you don't even have a boyfriend. You may be reaching your late 20's and you can hear your biological clock ticking ever so loudly each day but that doesn't mean you'll compromise your standards and date or even worse marry just anyone. As I would joke with my friends "Kahit sino pwede na!" (Any guy would do)

Quoting from the book "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy, "Too many women become desperate. They are hungry for attention and affection, so they settle for guys who don't know the first thing about how to treat a woman. They are impatient--they don't trust that God could have something better for them. So they compromise. They give themselves to men who really aren't even worth a second glance."

If a guy is making your standards sink to dangerously low levels then you better dump that douche bag! If he clearly does not have the Christlike qualities that us Christian women should be aiming for then why bother? God has someone way better for us than those jerks!

Ladies, let's hold out for the man God has prepared for us. As Christians, that's the radically higher standard we should be upholding... even if our culture is telling us otherwise.

• DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT

He would call or text from time to time. He kept inviting me to go out but he never really made any real plans. When he does make time for me he would be there but in between that there would be times when I don't even know if he's still alive or in Tagalog minsan ilang araw or linggo siyang hindi magpaparamdam.

A guy like that is definitely keeping it casual. He's still trying to weigh his feelings for you. Do I really like this girl or that other chick I met at the party? I'm not sure if she's the one, I mean it could be someone else. So until he figures that out, he'll keep you around, not too close though. Which explains the hot and cold treatment he's giving you. He's still playing the dating game at his age? Seriously?

If a guy still thinks this way in his mid to late 20's then he still has a lot of growing up to do... a lot! There's no point in waiting around for a guy like that because by the time he figures out what he really wants you'd probably be old and wrinkly! He's still enjoying his eligible bachelor days and isn't looking for anything serious.

If he's really into you he will chase you. A man will do everything and anything to get the heart and affection of the woman he desires. It's in their nature. If he's lukewarm and mediocre in his attempts then that means you're only an option to him. You know... in case he gets tired of looking for the perfect girl then at least he has you as a fallback. Or you could be the girl "for the mean time" and when he finds "the one" he'll dump you so fast and say "You're awesome! But I don't think this is gonna work. I'm just sooo busy right now."

If he's not chasing you then it's time to move on to better ground. Cut your losses sister! Don't allow these sleaze balls who think they're God's gift to women to treat you like a beggar by giving you scraps of their time and affection. Why stay in a dating limbo when, in the words of a guy friend who once told me, "You're too good to hold on to someone not worthy of a goddess."

• STOP MAKING EXCUSES

You may say: "But I haven't been out on a date since my last boyfriend. It's been 2 years! And you know that I'm not the type of girl who goes out on dates. This is the first time I'm going to do something like this. I think I deserve to have a little fun and enjoy my singleness!"

or

You may say: "But I'm not thinking of marrying the guy! I'm only going out with him on this one date! If it goes well then I'll see what'll happen next but if it doesn't then I've got nothing to lose. There's no harm in trying."

There's no harm in trying doesn't apply when "the rest of your life, for better or for worse, til death do us part" is at stake here. You may think that testing the waters by going out with different guys is the best way to find "The One". And besides it's nothing serious, right? You're just having fun, no biggie! But there's a catch! There's always a catch. When you try and make a mistake, yes you can dust it off and stand up. What you're not aware of is that each time you give your time and affection to an undeserving guy you're only robbing the only man who's meant to receive such a precious treasure---you're future husband. The decisions you make now determine who and where you will be in the future. Those innocent dates may seem harmless now but they could have serious repercussions in the future.

As I said in my previous blog, only one of your love stories will have a happy ending and the rest just end up in a whole lot of hurt. The wounds from bad dates and failed relationships will leave you broken and scarred. You might be afraid to love and let someone in your life again that every time you make an attempt you just fall flat on your ass. You may heal from it by God's grace but the damage has already been done. Those painful memories are already part of who you are.

I'm not complaining because I wouldn't have learned valuable life lessons if I haven't gone thru the ins and outs, ups and downs of relationships. But because I was so stubborn, I learned things the hard way when there's always a choice. I could've chosen to learn things the easier way, less battle wounds.

Girlfriend, coming from someone who's been there, done that I'm trying to spare you the heart/headache. You have a choice here.

You can either learn it the hard and painful way or...

Wait patiently and confidently that God will bring you the man you've always been longing for in His perfect time.